It doesn’t take more than a few moments online to see someone accusing another person of being a narcissist. It’s become a title placed upon pretty much anyone that breaks someone’s heart, it’s the office Karen or the ostentatious leader of a friend group. It’s important to differentiate between the traits that make up the blurred lines when it comes to whether someone is a true narcissist or if they’re just choosing to be a jerk. The challenge comes from the intense ability that both of these types of people have to exhibit subtle, manipulative behaviors, that often lead to aggressive behaviors.

Below are 12 signs that indicate someone may have narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder. After each trait you will find the comparison between that sign and someone that is choosing to be jerk. It’s important to note that while narcissistic people can indeed come off as jerks, they have a diagnosable mental condition that impairs them from understanding (or caring) how their behavior affect others. A jerk understands, yet still makes the choice to wake up and be an unkind human.

The signs of narcissism shared below are not provided to diagnose anyone, in fact the complete opposite is the goal of this article. The over-use of the term and self-labeling of other people for internet likes and views, takes away from the validity of true narcissism. It also excuses the jerk by labeling them with a “condition" when in fact they’re well-aware of the effects of their behavior yet make a conscious decision to continue. This is in no way excusing the acts of a narcissist. If someone has been made aware of their narcissistic traits and refuses to seek professional help, they too are making a choice to continue behaviors that harm others.

Having a better idea of what type of person, you’re dealing with in your relationship, family, boss or co-worker, or friendship can be extremely helpful in determining how you communicate with this person. Or if you even want to continue to tolerate them being a part of your life. (yes, you can quite jobs, and people) While quirky videos and social media posts will tell you to run for the exit door in either scenario, there can be hope. If some is willing to actively participate in therapy, that’s a sign they are willing to acknowledge how their behavior is affecting others and they’re willing to seek a resolution. If they’re not willing to seek professional help, that’s a red flag the size of a 1980’s grocery getter. Run, don’t walk.

If you’re in a situation where you cannot remove yourself or the other person from your day to day-to-day life due to your personal circumstance, please read the coping tools provided in 8 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST and HOW TO EFFECTIVELY DEAL WITH JERKS.

12 COMMON TRAITS OF NARCISSISTS

1. GRANDIOSE BEHAVIOR: It’s healthy for everyone to exhibit self-confidence, self-love and a genuine like of themselves. However, narcissists display an inflated sense of self-importance, grandiose behaviors, and the demand for admiration from others. They’ll frequently engage in grandiose boasts about their talents, power, beauty, or intelligence and insist that others acknowledge how amazing they are. They have a constant attitude of being above others. In relationships they’ll be offended when the attention of other people is on you as opposed to them. At work and in friendships they’ll need to be the “go-to” person or the group leader and will often be the one stirring the pot.

THE COMPARISON: Jerks just like attention and need to feel important. Narcissists demand it.

2. LACK OF EMPATHY 🚩 🚩🚩: I cannot stress this extremely large, waving in your face red flag enough! A lack of empathy and struggle to understand or relate to the feelings and needs of others is a GINORMOUS GLOWING RED FLAG. This lack creates one-sided relationships, where their prioritizing is only of their own wants and needs with no consideration or care about yours. In relationship this contributes to the other person feeling insignificant, experiencing self-doubt, and even developing an unrealistic longing for their attention. At work or in friendships they may take great efforts to sabotage your relationships with other friends and co-workers in an effort to remain at the top.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists are not capable of caring about your needs. Jerks choose to not care about your needs.

3. MANIPULATION: Narcissists often use manipulation, deceit, or charm to win people over and then to ensure everything is their way. It’s how they maintain control over others and keeping their life uninterrupted by you. In relationships, the manipulation often begins subtle without you even recognizing what’s happening. Before you know it, they’re telling you that you’re crazy and they’ve done nothing to make you be that way.

THE COMPARISON: A Jerk will bold faced treat you like shit from day one knowing you’ll ignore the red flags (yes, they know who to look for). Narcissists have a pattern and will subtly knock the wind and happiness out of you in an effort to remain number one.

4. ENTITLEMENT: Narcissists often believe (sometimes to the point of obsession) that they are entitled to special treatment, privileges, or attention. This can be at work, in a relationship, at home or in any circumstance they’re in. They often become angry, resentful and easily triggered when they don't receive what they think they deserve. At work they’re often the employee that believes they contribute the most as opposed to recognizing they’re part of a team. In relationships, they’ll ensure they have the best of everything while you have the least and that every great thing is “their idea”.

THE COMPARISON: Jerks just want what they want because they want it. Narcissists truly believes that they are entitled to every single thing that they want.

5. EXPLOITIVE BEHAVIOR: Narcissists, will exploit others for their own personal gain. Their lack of empathy and strong sense of entitlement contribute to this trait. It doesn’t matter if it’s at home, at work, in a relationship, or even in social settings. They will exploit you and/or others. In relationships this may first appear as putting you down through “jokes” or allowing others to do so. At work or in family settings, you may often see yourself being used as the scapegoat to avoid them being accountable for their own behaviors.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists will exploit other people to get what they want without you being able to convince them that’s what they’ve done. An asshole knows what he’s done and does not care.

6. FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM: Despite their grandiose display of confidence, narcissists often have extremely fragile self-esteem making them highly sensitive to criticism and easily triggered. They may easily engage in or initiate physical and verbal altercations. They often react defensively or aggressively when criticized or even believe they have been criticized and will insist the other person was at fault. In relationships they may get angry when someone compliments you and not them, withhold compliments from you and will often consistently talk negatively about other people. At work, home or in friendships they’re often easily offended with a strong need to be part of everything.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists are often paranoid about what other people think about them which results assumptions and quick reactions instead of a response when they feel offended. Jerks just like to fight.

7. DIFFICULTY MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS: Narcissists struggle to develop and maintain healthy, long-term relationships. Their lack of empathy and grandiose behaviors (among others) are counterproductive to creating a partnership. They will also be convinced that their partner or other people are the reason for their negative behaviors and that’s why the relationship failed. At work and in friendships they often have no

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists do not understand what they have done to cause the failing of a relationship. You can literally repeat yourself a hundred times and it just doesn’t sink in. They believe it was the other person that caused the failures. Jerks know what they’ve done they just don’t care enough about being in a relationship for it to bother them.

8. STRONG NEED FOR ADMIRATION: Their need for admiration manifests into wanting constant praise, attention and validation from others. At work they’re often seeking constant “way to go” moments and a pat on the back for doing their job. They’re often competitive in their circles and angered when they are not seen as the best player in sports or other activities. In relationships, every gift, dinner or thing they do “for you” will come with strings of you needing to thank them endlessly. And you’ll still be made to feel ungrateful.

THE COMPARISON: Jerks admire themselves so much that they don’t need other people to admire them. Narcissists crave admiration to the point that they can never receive enough and will demand it.

9. LOVE BOMBING: At the beginning of the relationship, narcissists are charming, charismatic, and often attentive. They’ll show interest in your interests and convince you of a strong connection. However, if you watch them closely you will see that their love bombing begins to fade very quickly. Once they know you’re hooked on them, their true nature becomes more apparent. Their strong manipulation skills will convince you they haven’t changed.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists will combine love bombing, and manipulation to win you over because they believe they’re the prize, and then slowly show you their true colors. Jerks will show you their true colors from the beginning and that convince you that you took things the wrong way when they hurt or offend you.

10. DISRESPECT: Narcissists often disrespect others boundaries, the safety of others and personal space. They present themselves and being committed while providing your little crumbs here and there to convince you you’re not being taken advantage of by them.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists will want you to be their safe space, their doormat and their person while they contribute nothing to your relationship. Jerks don’t care whether you’re around and will make you feel like it’s a proviledge to be in their presence.

11. JEALOUSY AND ENVY: They often display intense jealousy or envy of others who they perceive as more successful, attractive, or accomplished. They’re easily offended and angered by those who appear more confident or more liked by other people.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissists have a strong desire to be “THE MOST”. The most liked person in the room, I’m also attractive person the funniest person, the most admired person. Jerks assume they are “the most”.

12. YOU FEEL: YEP this one’s about you! Because YOU are the reason I write my articles, I want you to really think about how you FEEL when you’re with the people in your life that you care about. When you are in a relationship or even a friendship with someone who is a narcissist, you will slowly begin to lose your self esteem, you’ll constantly be questioning your worth and experience strong fight or flight states. You’ll be told things like “you’re crazy” or “you’re just taking it that way” or “I would never do that” more times than you can count. You’ll have an internal battle due to ignoring your intuition. Along with constant mental and emotional abuse you’ll often also experience physical abuse. You’ll feel insignificant. And most likely stuck.

THE COMPARISON: Narcissistic people will keep you around to build themselves up, to have a safe place to fall and to keep you from being with someone else. A jerk will go from person to person never even trying to commit or he’ll keep you to control you.

It's important for me to note again that this article is not a diagnosis tool. It’s an educational piece created for you to use to better understand the behaviors of people in your life. Not everyone who displays some narcissistic traits has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Quite frankly I believe that’s NPD is an over internet diagnosed mental health condition, when in fact most people in the fine line category are just assholes.

Narcissism is characterized by a pervasive pattern of the above behaviors and significantly impairs functioning and emotionally mature relationships.

Dealing with a narcissist is mentally and emotionally challenging, and it's essential to set healthy boundaries and prioritize your well-being. If you suspect that someone in your life has narcissistic traits that are causing harm, please consider seeking support from a professional therapist or counselor who can provide guidance on how to navigate such relationships.

If you’re dealing with a jerk, please choose yourself and find a great counselor or trusted individual to help you build confidence and self love. Jerks have no mental health excuses for their behavior. They’re choosing to treat you like shit.

Choose you.

If you’re not sure where to start or how to choose yourself, please comment below or reach out through my contact page.

If you found value in this article please drop a comment below. ❤️

I’m glad you’re here,

Jill Schmidt