If you’re reading this I’m hoping you’ve received (and more importantly accepted) the often harsh wake up call that we’re the master of our fuck-ups. Yep, it’s us. It’s not the partner that promised us the moon when they couldn’t afford a five and dime astrology set, it’s not your friend that said it was a great idea, and it’s not your under qualified boss that makes you wonder how he’s made it this far. It’s you. We do it to ourselves. Whether it was choosing to stay in a relationship we thought our love could force into a fairytale ending or we sat at a job that made us contemplate taking up sky diving, we did it to ourselves.

Now for the good news! The hardest part is over. You’ve admitted it, right? Remember when you were a kid and you did something wrong? Think about hard it was to utter the words “it was me.” Your admission and taking accountability this time around is a LOUD “it was me!” filled with the opportunity to transform your life. There’s no more room for feeling bad, what iff’ing or worse, self pity. We’ve already done that. Days, weeks, and more than likely years of it. No more wasting our fucking days away!

So now what? Now you get to the root of your issues by improving your self-awareness and becoming (literally) your own very best friend. What?? I know right? Such an awkward concept for some of us but it’s 100% a life changing endeavor. Imagine treating yourself as incredibly as you do someone you love? Now wait, it gets even weirder…you’re supposed to.

Who knew? I sure didn’t!

Below are strategies I used for developing self-awareness on my journey to becoming my own best friend and the new kick-ass woman I am today. These steps can be your is first steps to personal growth and the grand finale…self-confidence!

What’s the catch? You have to actually implement them every single day. I do a daily check-in to keep myself on track!

1. Self-reflection: Make time everyday to contemplate your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Schedule it if you have to. I do this every evening before bed to clear my mind for sleep. Think about where you’re at and the role you played in getting there. What red flags did you ignore? What behavior did you demonstrate that contributed to the mess you’re in? Ask yourself the tough questions. This is not about beating yourself up it’s about being honest with yourself. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this!

2. Mindfulness and meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions in the present moment. This one is huge! I have an alarm set on my phone that goes off 3 times a day. The note says “stfu and just breath”. (I like the bluntness yours can be more kumbaya if you prefer) When the alarm goes off no matter what I’m doing or where I’m at (yes you may want to schedule them accordingly to avoid an awkward situation) I stop and take 5 minutes to just breath. During that silence I think about what I’m feeling and why, how I’m sitting, where my tension is. It’s an incredibly powerful 15 minutes out of the day.

3. Seek feedback: When we’re climbing our way out of our own shit show it’s easy to take a “I can fix this myself” mentality. While we certainly get into our messes on our own, asking people you trust for some honest feedback can help you gain different perspectives on your strengths and weaknesses. Often you will find this request results in your need to apologize to some people you hurt along the way. Apologizing after receiving feedback is an enormous step forward into self-development.

4. Assess your values and beliefs: Identify your core values and beliefs and why you have then can help shape your personal boundaries. When we put a “why” behind a beliefs were more inclined to protect them and they’ve become an intimate part of who we are. It’s one thing to say you believe in God (because you had to as a kid) it’s another to believe in God because you’ve formed a personal relationship with him. See where I’m going? You can apply this to respect, your integrity or any aspect of your value system.

5. Emotional intelligence: This is the GRAND DADDY OF SELF IMPROVEMENT!!! I cannot stress this enough. I began my journey into emotional intelligence by reading the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0. Before reading that book I had never even heard of the term before! Now, 11 books deep and a whole new me later, it’s my greatest super power. EVERYTHING we react to is based on our emotions. Developing the power to decide what deserves a response and what doesn’t is absolutely incredible. Picture a moment that you completely lost your shit and how you felt and behaved in that moment. Now imagine handling that moment with complete calmness and grace. How differently would the outcome of that moment have been?

6. Self-assessment tools: If you’re a research junkie like I am or you’re just more curious about where you land on the emotional intelligence scale, consider using personality assessments or tools like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to gain more insights into your personality. You may be surprised where your strengths and weaknesses are defined. The Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book comes with the code for a free test. After taking the test, I made a “to do” list of the areas I wanted to master.

7. Set goals: You can easily tie this one into number 6. When you define your long-term and short-term goals in great detail you’re acknowledging your aspirations and motivations. Get to the “why” behind each goal and create an action plan with a daily step to get you closer to achieving your goals. When I set out on my weight loss journey my “why” was to feel better and my goals were made in 5 pound increments. Every time we reach a goal our self-esteem does an internal happy dance that creates a newfound admiration of ourselves. Make your goals reasonable, obtainable and consistent with your values. As time goes on you can add risk, adventure and fear- tackling goals to your list.

8. Surround yourself with positive and diverse perspectives: Listen, I get it. You have some friends that have always been your friends because they’ve always been your friends. I’m not saying to end the friendships that don’t bring value, diversity and support to your life. I’m saying expand your circle and spend less time with the nay-says and the “just because” friends. When you interact with people from different backgrounds and viewpoints it broadens your understanding of the world and yourself. It’s the old “you’re the equivalent of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. We all know that person that at age 50 still acts like they did when they were 16. They’re not hanging out with movers and shakers are they? Nope. You’ll likely find them sitting on a barstool, home feeling sorry for themselves, or out with friends bitching about the world that they do nothing to contribute to. These are not your people! Expand your circle.

9. Learn from experiences: So you created a national disaster out do your life and you’re understandably frustrated. It’s okay. Spend some time thinking about a time in your life that you felt really proud and successful. Go back to that 3rd Grade spelling test if you have to. Feel it. Ask yourself what you did to get there? No matter what the accomplishment was, YOU did something to make it happen and you can do it again. Now flip the switch to a time you failed at something. Again, think about how you felt and what you did to fail. This step will help you to gain insights into your strengths and areas that need improvement.

10. Professional help: There it is, that word that makes many of us prefer choosing to stick our hand in a blender before sitting and talking to a stranger. It’s really not that bad. It’s liberating. The trick? Finding the right one. Take the time to interview several before choosing one. You’re going to be spending a lot of time with this person revealing personal parts of yourself and you need to be comfortable and trust them completely. A therapist, life coach, or counselor can provide and abundance of support, accountability and guidance during your journey to greater self-awareness.

Remember that self-awareness is an ongoing process, and it takes time to deepen your understanding of yourself. The more you practice these strategies, the better you'll become at understanding your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

As your self-awareness and personal growth expands, self confidence naturally follows! And you know what that means? No more walking on eggshells, settling or waiting for someone else to make you happy!

If you found value in this post please share with a friend and if you’re feeling some confidence, comment below!

I’m glad you’re here,

Jill Schmidt