10 THINGS I LEARNED BY ENDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE I STILL LOVED
People often ask me, “How did you walk away from someone you still loved?”
The truth? It wasn’t easy. It was one of the most gut wrenching, emotionally draining and confusing things I’ve ever done. But it was also the most transformative -
Here are 10 things I learned by ending a relationship with someone I still loved. These lessons that shaped me into the woman I am today.
1.) Love Isn’t Enough:
I used to believe love could fix anything. That if I loved someone enough, we’d figure it out. But love isn’t supposed to feel like constant anxiety, questioning, and seeking approval. Love does not require us to be a casualty of someone else’s refusal to heal their old wounds.
2.) Healing Begins the Moment You Stop Explaining Yourself:
There comes a point when you stop trying to convince someone of your worth, your needs, or your pain.
When I finally stopped explaining myself and started listening to my own voice, I realized how much energy I had been wasting trying to be understood and loved.
3.) You Can Miss Someone and Still Know They’re Not Right for You:
Missing them doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It means you’re human. You can still love the memories, the laughter, and the lessons. All while knowing you deserve more than half-effort love or emotional crumbs.
4.) Leaving Is an Act of Self-Respect, Not Coldness:
People sometimes assume that walking away means you’ve hardened your heart. The truth is you’ve cut it wide open by accepting the truth that you are contributing to and enabling a toxic relationship to continue. And that your love will never be enough for them.
5.) You Don’t Need Closure from Them — You Create It Yourself:
Waiting for them to say the right thing, admit the truth, or apologize just keeps you stuck. Closure isn’t something they give you — it’s something you decide. It’s a gift you give yourself. It’s acceptance. Mine came the day I stopped rereading old texts, deleted every photo (6,239 - Yes, I deleted EVERY single one) and started sharing my own story instead of theirs.
6.) Growth Hurts — But Staying Small Hurts Worse:
Healing will challenge you, pull you apart, and put you back together differently. I learned that the pain of healing is temporary, but the pain of settling is lifelong. Settling diminishes who we are and leaves us feeling empty.
7.) Your Identity Isn’t Tied to Who You Loved:
I thought I’d lost “my person.” What I really lost was the version of me who believed love was earned by how much we would tolerate. A version that believed sacrificing herself for someone else was loyalty. The woman I became after that heartbreak? She knows love doesn’t hurt. She knows love isn’t something we have to “earn”. And that loyalty starts with being loyal to who we are not who someone else is.
8.) Loneliness Isn’t a Punishment — It’s an Opportunity:
The quiet after leaving someone can feel unbearable. Even more so if you had an active social life with them. But that newfound solitude is necessary to heal. People say “just move on” when the truth is - moving on doesn’t break cycles…Healing does. It’s where you meet yourself again — the version of you who laughs freely, sleeps deeply, and doesn’t need to walk on eggshells anymore.
9.) Love That Costs You Your Self-Worth Isn’t Love:
If you have to abandon yourself to keep someone, you’re not in love — you’re in survival mode. Stuck in a codependent relationship where you’ve convinced yourself you can’t live without someone. I learned that I actually enjoy being alone. It feels so much better than the loneliness that comes from questioning your worth.
10.) Letting Go Makes Room for the Life You Deserve:
I will never say the goodbye is easy. It’s gut wrenching. I’ll remember our goodbye hug and hearing myself saying “let go” forever. That moment is a reminder of the pain and fear I had to endure to make space for myself - for a life that doesn’t hurt. When you let go of what isn’t working and stop fighting life…you become more peaceful, more grounded, and more intentional about who gets access to you. You become a woman who refuses to beg, settle, or be someone else’s sacrifice.
🦋 Remember ~
Leaving someone you still love isn’t “giving up” or weakness. It’s brave and it’s a declaration. It says, “I love you, but I love myself more.”
And if you’re standing on the edge right now wondering if you can walk away from someone you love but know isn’t good for you- trust me, you can. And I promise you, life on the other side isn’t just peaceful…it’s filled with beautiful people you otherwise would have never crossed paths with.
©️ Jill Katherine Schmidt
❤️ This healing doesn’t happen overnight — but it does happen. If you need guidance as you rebuild your peace and confidence, I’d love to help. My RISE UP! 6-week coaching program is designed to help you navigate healing in a healthy productive way.
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