12 Sneaky Habits That Secretly Scream “Low Self-Esteem” (And How to Stop Them)

Low self-esteem doesn’t show up with a big flashing sign that says “Help! I don’t feel good enough!” Oh no, it’s way more subtle than that. It hides in your daily habits, your relationships, your silence, and sometimes in your people-pleasing smile.

Here are 12 things you might not even realize you’re doing that are low-key waving the “I don’t believe in myself” and simple mindset tricks to help you shift your perspective before you act.

1. You Apologize for Everything

Did you just say “sorry” because someone else bumped into you? If your reflex is to apologize constantly, it may mean you don’t feel worthy of taking up space.

Shift it: Pause before the next “sorry” and ask, “Did I really do something wrong?” Replace it with a confident “excuse me” or just a smile.

2. You Downplay Compliments

If someone says, “You look great today!” and you respond with, “Ugh, it’s just this old thing,” you’re rejecting their kindness and reinforcing negative self-talk.

Shift it: Start saying “Thank you” and nothing else. You don’t need to explain or deflect.

3. You Overthink Everything

You replay conversations like crime scene investigations. Did they sound annoyed? Should I have said that? Was that dumb?

Shift it: Notice the spiral, then ground yourself in the present. One thought doesn’t define your worth. (Also, they’re probably not thinking about it anymore!)

4. You Avoid Eye Contact

Eye contact feels too vulnerable when you’re not comfortable with yourself. But guess what? Confidence starts with connection.

Shift it: Practice soft eye contact. You don’t have to stare someone down—just be present.

5. You Stay Silent When You Want to Speak Up

You have opinions, ideas, and gut feelings. But fear of rejection makes you swallow your words.

Shift it: Practice saying what you think—even in low-stakes situations like ordering your coffee exactly how you want it.

6. You Say “Yes” When You Want to Say No”

People-pleasing is a classic low self-esteem move. You’d rather inconvenience yourself than risk someone not liking you.

Shift it: Start small. Say no to a task that drains you. You are allowed to protect your energy.

7. You Compare Yourself to Everyone

She’s skinnier, she’s smarter, she’s more successful… STOP. Comparison is a thief and it’s robbing you blind.

Shift it: Every time you catch yourself comparing, say out loud (or write down): “I am on my own unique path.”

8. You seek Outside Validation

You constantly ask others what they think of your outfit, your work, your choices. Why? Because you’re not sure you trust your own judgment.

Shift it: Practice making a decision and not asking for approval. The more you do it, the more you’ll believe in yourself.

9. You Struggle to Accept Love or Kindness

When someone is genuinely nice to you, you feel suspicious or undeserving. That’s not your intuition, it’s your low self-esteem talking.

Shift it: Let people love you. Practice receiving kindness with grace. You are worth it.

10. You Stay in Toxic Relationships

When you don’t feel valuable, you tolerate treatment that matches that feeling. But girl, you teach people how to treat you.

Shift it: Make a list of your non-negotiables in relationships. Stick to it like your peace depends on it, because it does.

11. You Over-Apologize for Your Boundaries

Setting boundaries feels selfish or mean. So when you do it, you sugarcoat it and then feel guilty anyway.

Shift it: Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re doors with do-not-disturb signs. You are allowed to honor yourself without an apology.

12. You Hide Your Shine

You minimize your accomplishments, talents, and dreams so others won’t feel uncomfortable. But who are you shrinking for?

Shift it: Give yourself permission to be proud. Celebrate out loud. Your light doesn’t dim others—it inspires them.

If you see yourself in this list, don’t panic or shame yourself. Awareness is power. And this isn’t about beating yourself up, it’s about becoming self aware. Low self-esteem doesn’t define you. It’s just an outdated story you’ve been telling yourself and you can start rewriting your story any time you choose to.

Want more mindset shifts and empowering truths like these? Sign up for my monthly newsletter. We’re is just getting started.

Jill K Schmidt

Empowerment Coach