I knew ending my relationship of 8 years was going to hurt but what I wasn’t prepared for was how breaking up would affect another aspect of my life. Friendships. You know the friendships that you think are the ones we have for life? Losing them was completely unexpected and hurt just as much, if not more than, ending my relationship. I was prepared to lose him, I was choosing to lose him, but I wasn’t expecting to lose friends.

The weeks that lead up to me leaving were filled with judgement, gossip and unnecessary hurt. A lot of our “friends” had a hard time with the fact that we were still together knowing I was ending our relationship and moving away. It was like they thought we should hate each other. I didn’t hate him. I loved him. I hated things he did but not him. Why do people think breaking up has to mean hating one another? I wanted my son Josh to know they could remain friends, he was a Dad to Josh for 8 years and I wasn’t going to take that love away from him.

The day we left was one of the hardest days of my life. The final goodbye was gut wrenching for all 3 of us and I’ll remember that last moment for the rest of my life. Determined to get as far away as possible so I wouldn’t let my emotions take over and turn around, I drove for 12 hours. You know the scene in the movies? The ones where she comes back and they race into each others arms? I knew that couldn’t happen. I had to keep going.

At one point Josh and I looked at each other and started laughing so hard we both cried and then we laughed some more. I have no idea why we even started laughing, it was like we just released something huge from both of our hearts. Here we were stuffed in the front seat of a Uhaul truck with a puppy and two cats literally moving halfway across the United States. For the first time in months, I felt relaxed. We were going to okay.

And then the unexpected happened

A few weeks after arriving in Colorado and taking a trip into the mountains, I knew I was home. I started walking every day, I didn’t want to drink alcohol to cope with my life anymore and I lost 20 pounds in just 6 weeks! My anxiety didn’t require a daily prescription medication anymore and I felt like for the first time in a long time the pain I was feeling was necessary. I felt a hope and sense of peace that was stronger than my sadness.

After sharing on Facebook how at peace I felt, how much happier I was, and how much your environment matters (because it does!), some of my “friends” back in Ohio took that as me putting them and their lifestyle down. What the actual fuck? I was safe, I was happy and most importantly I was making a better life for my son. And they were pissed? Talk about a curve ball!

My “friends” that spent years telling me I was an idiot to be with him were now mad that I was happy? Judging and gossiping about what I wrote instead of being a friend and reaching out to have a conversation? This was by far one of the most unexpected and immature issues to be have thrown into the mix of healing myself. I was HAPPY and I wanted other women to know they could be too!

I was sharing how incredible I felt and how I realized I was drinking to cope with being unhappy and to fit into a place I really never belonged. I was sharing because I didn’t want anyone else to ever wait 8 years to choose themselves or to believe they could love someone enough to fix them.

I went from literally wishing my life away to keeping a promise I made to myself and people were making it about them?

WHAT I KNOW TODAY - that will help you be prepared for unexpected losses when you decide to change your life:

Losing friendships along with my relationship was definitely not something I was prepared for and in the beginning it hurt like hell but today, I’m at peace. When we shift our lives to a new direction it’s necessary to lose people. We can’t change our lives without changing our circle.

The friends that remain will teach you what true friendship is. Friendship isn’t about drinking, partying, or bonding over being in shitty relationships. Friendship is about really being there for someone when they need you. Friendship is about knowing someone is in a dark place without them telling you and helping lift them out of the darkness, not kicking them when they’re down. Friendship is unconditional love.

Whenever you make a big change in your life, you’re always going to have to leave some people behind. It’s part of the process. Not everybody is meant to be in our lives until the end and that’s okay. And we’re not meant to be everyone’s forever friend, and that’s okay.

Strings break. True friendships do not. Look at your friendships with care and be honest with yourself. What is or was your friendship based on? I learned that not only was I bending over backwards to keep a man in my life, some of my friendships also came with strings.

Breaking up sucks and losing friends hurts but one thing I know for sure is that when you combine the half circle that is left with the new one you’ve created, you’ll be surrounded by people that are meant for you.

There’s a whole world of friendships out there waiting for you. Let them go.

Have you experienced the unexpected loss of a friendship? I’d love to hear from you, please comment below.

I’m glad you’re here,