Yep, that’s the cold hard truth. Anything you don’t make the effort to change, you are choosing.

Hate your job? Shitty relationship? Rocky friendships? Why are you CHOOSING to be unhappy? Hey, I get it, your boss might be an ass, your partner might be a narcissistic jerk, and your friends may genuinely make you want to poke pins in your eyeballs BUT….they’re not forcing you to be where you are. You’re CHOOSING to be there. *See note on leaving a violent relationship below.

How do I know? Because I spent 8 years being unhappy in a relationship, choosing jobs that were unfulfilling, living somewhere I didn’t want to be, and spending time with people I didn’t even really like. Why would I do that? The same reason that you are. A lack of self-love. (You can read more about my story here)

People that genuinely love themselves don’t settle for less in their relationships, they don’t wish their days away at jobs they hate, or hang out with people just to “fit it”. They don’t live unhappy lives free of boundaries to protect themselves. Instead, they CHOOSE to be empowered, they CHOOSE to learn and keep a positive self image mindset surround themselves with people that respect them. They protect their happiness and walk away from any situation that interferes with their peace, values or self care.

You can choose to be happy. I did it and I know you can too! You CAN tell your boss you quit, end your shitty relationship, tackle your fear of being alone, and save your eyeballs by ditching the friends you blindly collected. Not only can you - you NEED to!

It sounds easier said than done right?

I’m not going bullshit you, it’s not easy at all, it’s hard. It’s a depth of being vulnerable that you’ve never breached, it’s losing people anchored in your heart, and it’s opening old wounds and cleaning them deeply. It’s work, emotional empowering work. It’s choosing yourself above all else.

It sucks and then it doesn’t.

Once you admit to yourself that you are CHOOSING to be miserable and create an action plan, your mindset changes. The first thing you’ll discover is the empowerment that comes from forgiving yourself for your own shit. Forgive and embrace yourself for who you were because you’re about to become a better version of you. Picture that version, picture her smile and feel what she feels like.

Show up every day grounded in your desire to choose happiness. It is a choice. Write down you current standards for love, friendship and your peace versus the standards you require to be happy. As you commit to the happiness that you want for yourself and you will find yourself demanding a respectful relationship, you’ll know you bring value to the workplace, and you’ll understand that not everyone is meant for us. You’ll walk away from what doesn’t serve you and heal.

WHAT I KNOW TODAY - That will help you stop choosing your own unhappiness.

1. Everyday I picture myself as an arrow heading towards a target and the only thing I need to get out of my way is myself. What does your target look like? A new relationship? A new house?

2. Choosing happiness through personal grace is nothing short of an intentional Devine intervention!

3. Until you get to the unconscious reason you’re so willing to sell yourself short, you’ll continue to choose people and places that result in unhappiness.Until you get to the unconscious reason you’re so willing to sell yourself short, you’ll continue to choose people and places that result in unhappiness.

4. Until you get to the unconscious reason you’re so willing to sell yourself short, you’ll continue to choose people and places that result in unhappiness. Digging deep can suck. It’s emotional and it’s often filled with the remembrance of moments we thought we’d long forgotten and realizing they’ve silently continued to influence our unconscious decisions every single day. BUT YOU MUST DO IT.

5. The fear of recognizing past traumas is nothing compared to the damaged caused when we choose to allow them to live inside of us.

6. The apology you make to yourself, during this process, will be the most important one you ever make and the most empowering gift you’ve unwrapped.

7. Sharing your story is healing and I’d love to hear yours. Do you know what’s holding you back? Are you unsure of where to begin? Comment below.

I’m glad you’re here,

Jill K Schmidt