How to Deal With a Bitch at Work - Is it You?
Oh the office bitch. Most of us have had the unfortunate pleasure of working with one, some of us may still be enduring their behavior, and some of you may even be one.
Hey wait a minute? Isn’t this supposed to be a blog for supporting and empowering women? Yes it is and that’s EXACTLY why I’m writing this article. A lot of women spend more time at work than they do at home and unfortunately most of us know how miserable it can be to deal with a bitch at work. But have we considered how it feels the BE the bitch? Or worse yet to not even realize that YOU are the office hag that everyone tries to avoid? Looking at office dynamics from a different perspectives can change our mindset increasing our own self control.
For the reasons above, the tips below are two-fold. I’m sharing these to empower you AND the bitch (trust me she doesn’t feel as powerful as she’d like you to believe). Read on and you’ll see that it’s actually not as crazy as that sentence just sounded!
Empowering yourself with the tips below can drastically lesson the affects that dealing with a bitchy co-worker has on you. One the flip side, if you are the office bitch, you need to recognize your behavior and gain some insight on why you’re treating other women unkindly. Whichever side your on, this article is designed to support and empower you. Remember, as with all knowledge gained, it’s what you choose to do with the information that will make all the difference!
So here we go, tips on dealing with the office bitch (or yourself):
1). DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL: Often times a women behaves poorly at work because other aspects of her life are in complete dysfunction and work is the only place she can display some authority or feel in control. For that reason, it’s important to not take her words or behaviors to heart. This will only validate the negative behaviors and weigh heavily on your emotional health. I know it sounds easier said than done when you’re in the midst of feeling attacked or pushed to the edge of your patience, but with practice you can conquer this step! I used to be very reactive but after committing to a positive daily mindset I’ve become much more likely to strategically respond or to simply ignore negative behaviors at work and pretty much everywhere. Not too long ago I had a co-worker come and apologize to me the day after a meeting. During the meeting she was unprofessional and acted like a teenager that wasn’t getting their way. I personally hadn’t given her behavior a second thought during or after the meeting as I’ve learned to not take anything an office bitch says or does personally. It takes practice and I’m not going to tell you it comes easy, but when you make a concerted decision to not allow other people’s negative behaviors to affect you, you’ll become nearly immune to negative habits like reacting instead of responding. In that situation I simply said “you’re fine I know you have a lot on your mind”. Did I mean it? No, not really, okay, not at all…and that leads us to #2.
2). MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS: When dealing with an office hag it’s important to keep your demeanor friendly or at least neutral. If you become defensive, visibly shaken or even uncertain you’ll unknowingly validate her negative behaviors. I know it’s not always easy and even more so if you’re like me and do not naturally have a poker face. But if I can create a new habit and perform well with practice, I’m certain that you can too! My go-to reply is usually “hmm that’s interesting” no matter what’s been said or done. That phrase tends to instantly make the other person wonder what’s interesting redirecting them onto what they’ve said or done. BONUS TIP: the “hmm that’s interesting” line works well outside of work too! Give it a try you’ll be amazed how quickly the other person becomes quiet.
3). LOOK AT YOURSELF: Is there something that makes you an easy target? Or are you fueling a fire? (yes sometimes we do that) Everyone has a life outside of the office and sometimes keeping your personal life “personal” gets blurry. The more you get to know your co-workers the more comfortable you become. Be careful not to share relationship woes or family drama that makes you appear weak. Bitches love to prey on the weak. You also need to remember that at one point in our lives we’ve all likely been a bitch at home, work or in a relationship - ask yourself why you behaved like that? Your past actions may help bring some clarity on why your co-worker is behaving poorly. This recognition can help make steps 1 and 2 much easier to master.
At the end of the day I’d like to believe that the majority of women feel bad after they’ve taken their whatever the hell is going on out on other women. We should absolutely be building one another up not tearing one another down. So if you’re dealing with an office hag, remember steps 1-3 and use them to develop some positive habits that will help you not be affected by their behaviors. If you’ve read 1-3 and feel like maybe (just maybe) you’re the office bitch, take some time to figure out why. Ask yourself what baggage you’re carrying to work with you everyday? Get to the root of why you’re carrying it and deflecting it onto others. Remember our behavior towards others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. With practice you can master your emotions and create positive habits to deal with (or stop being) the office bitch.
I’m glad you’re here, (yes, even if you’re the office bitch)
Jill Schmidt