Six Ways You’re Choosing to Make Your Own Life Miserable

Let’s get real for a second. Yes, life can hand us unfair situations, heartbreaks, and curveballs we didn’t ask for. But sometimes? The misery we feel isn’t from what life is doing to us — it’s from what we keep doing to ourselves.

And I say this with love: some of the pain you’re sitting in isn’t punishment — it’s choice. Not conscious, not intentional, but choice.

Here are six sneaky ways we sabotage our own happiness, and what to do about it.

1. Living for Everyone Else’s Approval

How many times have you said “yes” when every cell in your body was screaming “no”? Maybe you stayed in a relationship too long because you didn’t want to “hurt” them. Maybe you took on extra work because you didn’t want to disappoint your boss. Or maybe you’ve been biting your tongue with family because keeping the peace feels safer than speaking your truth.

Here’s the problem: when you build your life around other people’s comfort, you end up homeless in your own.

Instead: Start asking yourself, What do I actually want? Even if you don’t act on it yet, acknowledging your needs is the first step to honoring them.

2. Replaying the Past on a Loop

It’s 2 a.m. You’re staring at the ceiling, replaying that breakup, that argument, that one decision you wish you could undo. And you think, “If I go over it one more time, maybe I’ll finally make sense of it.” But here’s the truth: you won’t. The past is not a Rubik’s cube you can solve. It’s over.

By reliving it, you’re essentially signing up for a pain subscription you don’t need.

Instead: When you catch yourself stuck in the loop, interrupt it with this reminder: The past isn’t a place I live anymore.

3. Holding Onto Relationships That Drain You

We’ve all had that friend, partner, or family member who leaves us feeling smaller, not bigger. Maybe they dismiss your feelings. Maybe they only call when they need something. Maybe they chip away at your confidence one sarcastic comment at a time.

And yet, you stay. Because it’s familiar. Because you don’t want to be alone. Because you keep hoping they’ll change.

But let me tell you this: your peace is worth more than any relationship that costs you your sanity.

Instead: Start measuring relationships by how you feel after spending time with someone. Drained? Anxious? Doubting yourself? That’s your answer.

4. Believing Every Thought in Your Head

Your brain can be a little dramatic sometimes. It whispers, “You’re not good enough. You’ll never get it right. Everyone else is ahead of you.” And before you know it, you’re spiraling.

But here’s the truth: thoughts aren’t facts. They’re stories. And some of the stories your brain is telling you are old reruns you don’t even believe anymore.

Instead: Start questioning your thoughts. Ask: Is this truth… or is this just fear in a cute little costume?

5. Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else

Let’s be honest: social media is a highlight reel with filters. And yet we scroll, compare, and convince ourselves everyone else has it together. She’s traveling. She’s glowing. She’s in love. Meanwhile, you’re sitting in your sweats wondering why your life doesn’t look like hers.

Here’s the reality: you don’t see her arguments, her insecurities, or her bad hair days. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to her staged front row.

Instead: Unfollow accounts that make you feel less-than. Focus on your own lane — because your journey isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.

6. Ignoring Your Own Needs

How many of us run on caffeine and willpower, skipping meals, ignoring rest, saying yes when we’re already depleted — and then wonder why we’re exhausted, resentful, and ready to snap at the next person who looks at us sideways?

Neglecting your own needs doesn’t make you stronger. It makes you a ticking time bomb.

Instead: Start treating yourself like someone you actually care about. Rest. Hydrate. Move your body. Say no without apologizing. You’ll be shocked at how much better life feels when you’re not running on empty.

Final Word

Sometimes misery isn’t about what life throws at us — it’s about what we tolerate, what we replay, and what we allow to continue.

The good news? That means you’re not powerless. You don’t have to keep choosing misery. You can choose peace. You can choose boundaries. You can choose to stop comparing and start living.

Your life doesn’t need to feel like a punishment. It can feel like freedom — once you stop making choices that chain you to your own unhappiness.