The 5 Stages of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a deeply personal process, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline. It can take anywhere from a year to several years to feel like yourself again, as the effects of abuse often run deep.

Factors like the nature of the relationship, the length of the abuse, and the specific tactics used by the narcissist can all influence the healing journey. It’s important to give yourself a lot of grace while you’re healing and to know healing is a process not a quick fix.

Healing from narcissistic abuse involves navigating a process that mirrors the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

This process can be non-linear, with individuals fluctuating between stages as they process the trauma. Acknowledging the abuse, seeking professional help, and prioritizing self-care are crucial steps in the healing journey. 

Here's a more detailed look at the stages:

1. Denial: This initial phase involves resisting the reality of the abuse and clinging to hope that the relationship will improve or was just a mistake. It's a protective mechanism, shielding the individual from the full weight of the trauma. It’s important to admit that you were in an abusive relationship and to understand narcissists do not change.

2. Anger: As denial fades, anger may surface, directed at the narcissist or even at yourself for being in the relationship. This stage can be intense and challenging to navigate, as it can be difficult to reconcile the love once felt with the abuse experienced. Women often say they feel “stupid” or even “embarrassed” for enduring the relationship for as long as they did.

3. Bargaining: This stage involves internal struggles and a desire to change or fix the situation. Individuals may try to negotiate or seek reconciliation with the narcissist, hoping for a different outcome.

It’s important to note this stage may resurface numerous times throughout the healing process. Being prepared for the reoccurrence can help you keep moving forward instead of staying stuck in your thoughts.

4. Depression: As the reality of the abuse sinks in, depression may set in. This is a natural response to the trauma and loss experienced, and it can be accompanied by feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and self-doubt. If you find yourself feeling hopeless, please reach out for help.

5. Acceptance: This final stage involves acknowledging the abuse and its impact, and beginning to move forward with healing. It doesn't mean forgiving the narcissist, but rather accepting the reality of the situation and taking steps to rebuild one's life and self-worth. 

This stage happens when you’ve spotted tools and strategies to help you heal and become confident in your future.

Additional Considerations:

• Linear vs. Non-Linear:

  The healing process is not always linear, and individuals may experience these stages in a different order or cycle back and forth between them. 

• Self-Care:

  Prioritizing self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and engaging in enjoyable activities, is crucial for emotional well-being. 

• Professional Help:

  Seeking professional help from a therapist, life coach or other professional experienced in narcissistic abuse can provide support and guidance during the healing process. 

• Support System:

  Building a strong support system of friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional validation and understanding. 

• Setting Boundaries:

  Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries with others, including those who may be narcissistic, is essential for protecting oneself and building healthy relationships. 

Important Reminders:

• Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and there will be setbacks along the way.

• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.

• Set boundaries: Protect yourself from further emotional harm by establishing clear boundaries.

• Reclaim your identity: Start to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship with the narcissist.

With time, consistency, and support, it is possible to heal and move forward from narcissistic abuse. If you’re ready to begin your healing journey, the guide HEALING FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE - 10 Things You Need to Know Now can help you get started today.

What you’ve endured changed you but now you get to decide what parts of you to bring into your next journey. And you also get to create new ones as a result of the healing you do.

Jill Schmidt - Women’s Empowerment Coach