6 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST
1). Boundaries: Setting personal boundaries is one of the most important steps when dealing with a narcissistic person. You need to decide what you’re comfortable with, communicate your boundaries to the person, and make a commitment to yourself to enforce those boundaries. Your boundaries may need to include anything from limiting subjects of conversations to limiting how much time you spend together. It’s important to know in advance that maintaining your boundaries will likely be a challenge as narcissists are commonly not respectful of boundaries. You will need to prepare yourself for being told you’re crazy, that your overreacting, or being made to feel guilty for creating your boundaries. The key is to remain firm in your decision. Every single time you waiver you are giving more power (your power) to the narcissist. Setting boundaries can be difficult for many of us. If you’re not sure where or how to start I recommend making a list of the behaviors that are negatively affecting you and prioritizing them. Start with one or two boundaries that will protect your peace and your mental and emotional health.
2). Balance: If you’re currently dealing with a narcissistic personality you know how menatally and emotionally draining it can be every day that you’re with them. It’s not unlikely for you to experience anxiety, depression, a feeling of insignificance, and even physical signs of exhaustion. It’s extremely important to make a conscious effort to create balance so that your personal care is a top priority. Balance will help ensure that you’re being mindful daily of your mental, physical and emotional health. It’s very easy to be manipulated to the point where your unaware it’s even happening when you’re with a narcissistic person. A daily self check-in will help you maintain balance and become more self aware of what’s taking place each day. Be certain to take time time to journal, exercise, spend time with friends, and treat yourself with the utmost respect. When you’re making a consistent effort to make your well-being a priority it’s much easier to keep the boundaries your have put into place. Participating in activities that’s are mindful based such as yoga and meditating can also be very helpful. Every step you take to create balance will help reduce the impact the narcissistic persons behavior has on you.
3). Egos: You need to leave your ego and theirs at the door. What does this mean? Narcissists are famous for not accepting responsibility for their behaviors and tossing the blame onto others. If you let your ego take over when this happens and take offense to what’s being said arguments are sure to ensue. It’s important to remind yourself that people with narcissistic personalities are often boastful with inflated egos and that engaging with their ego will accomplish nothing. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their poor behaviors or their issues and that you need maintain a clear perspective when dealing with their ego. It’s also to remember that their lack of care for your feelings is not a reflection of you it’s a reflection of them.
4). Communication: Communicating effectively is extremely important when dealing with a narcissist. You need to make daily efforts to be firm with your boundaries, clear with your words and often even assertive. There will likely be times that you feel like a broken record repeating yourself over and over. While this is extremely frustrating and can be emotionally draining, it’s vital that you not allow it to make you waiver with your decisions. If you have a hard time communicating effectively I highly recommend seeking professional guidance as communication is the foundation of any relationship and when dealing with a narcissist it’s even more critical that the foundation is solid.
5). Insecurities: Often times narcissists behave the way the do because of their own lack of self-love, insecurities and fears. It’s important to remember that while you may understand why they behave the way the do, excusing the behaviors leads to enabling. Acknowledging their feelings is important and can even calm down difficult interactions just remember it’s important to keep a fine line between acknowledging, enabling and accepting. You can show sympathy, understanding and even empathy while still enforcing your boundaries and not enabling poor behavior.
6). Guidance: Seeking professional guidance can be a great tool for understanding and dealing with someone that has a narcissistic personality. The idea of seeing a counselor may not sound appealing to you but it’s likely to feel better than living in constant fight or flight trying to navigate the world of narcissism without and solid support. A professional can help educate you and provide you with tools and resources to help you stay mindful, enforce your boundaries and communicate effectively.
The key of each of these tips is that you are in control of yourself, your boundaries, your emotions and your voice. Whether the narcissist in your life is a friend, spouse, family member or a co-worker, the more mindful you are of yourself and your boundaries the less negative effects their personality will have on you.
If you have addition tips or any questions please comment below.
I’m glad you’re here,
Jill Schmidt