When you’re blindsided by unexpected setbacks -

Life is full of unexpected setbacks. And while I was well aware of this, the last week really caught me off guard. I went from being ready to tackle each day to falling backwards into flight or flight mode. A feeling I was convinced I’d never experience again. I’ve spent the week reading, writing, listening and practicing strategies to lesson and remove this uncomfortable state of being.

What triggered the setback?

While I was walking with my Westie dog Oliver (you’ll see him at the end of this article) last Wednesday evening feeling incredibly at peace, we were rushed and attacked by two dogs. In an instant we went from a peaceful walk to 10 minutes of me kicking, punching, screaming, falling and begging these dogs to stop tearing into my dog. It was horrific. When it was finally over, his beautiful white Westie fur covered the street like snow and I sat in the street holding my bloody, trembling puppy. The smell of his blood is something I will never forget.

The setback hit hard.

That night and every morning, day and night since the traumatic attack, I’ve removed it questioning what I could have done differently and feeling terrible that I wasn’t able to get them off of him before he was injured. The nausea, racing heart, and cloudy mind of being in a constant state of flight or flight, is back. How could this be possible? I was feeling so at peace and in control of my emotions.

I never thought I’d feel the way had spent years feeling again. I thought I was good and I’d kicked fight or flight out of my life. Now I know, life will always be filled with some unexpected set backs that will trigger old states of mine and coping skills. The lesson I’ve found is the best thing we can do is to have a plan in place for when setbacks happen.

Determined to not feel this way anymore, I’ve spent the last week researching, reaching out to others and practicing what I’ve learned to get through this set back. The most important question I had to ask myself was “is this something I can solve on my own or do I need help from someone else? I needed help. Asking for help is hard but it’s incredibly self destructive (and stupid) to not be our own best advocate. It’s okay to reach out when you’re struggling. If a friend or family member can’t help, a professional can offer support and advice that can help you get through the situation.

I’ve learned so much through this vulnerable process and I hope what I’ve learned will help ease the blow of being blindsided by setbacks. I’d like to tell you I’ve beat the constant fight or flight state, but I’m still working on it. And that’s the most important part, we have to be willing to do the work.

Below are the steps I’m taking to heal and to prevent being blindsided by another setback. I hope they help your prepare for yours.

1. Acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to take the time to process your emotions and understand how you feel about the situation. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, or frustrated. It’s okay to feel these emotions, even if they’re difficult to deal with. When my racing heart and thoughts started, I knew immediately what was happening. Are you able to recognize your wanting signs?

2. Take care of yourself. Self-career can help you to manage your emotions and build resilience. I haven’t taken my daily walk yet, but I will conquer that fear. In the meantime, reading, writing, get enough sleep, and continuing to eat healthy is a my daily routine. Take the warm bath, say no to something you don’t want to do and practice self care. Do the little things that make you feel good about yourself.

3. Talk to someone. “I need help”. Why is it so hard for us to say this out loud? If you’re a “fixer” like me, asking for help can feel as traumatic and the experience that set you back. But it’s so important. We have to be able to set our egos aside and be vulnerable. When you talk to a friend, family member, or therapist it helps change your perspective and helps you work through your emotions. Being able to vent and share your feelings can be a huge relief. And crying? - do it. Let it all out so you can process and plan.

4. Focus on what you can control. When life throws you a curveball, it can be helpful to focus on the things that you can change not what you cannot control. I found myself reliving the dog attack chastising myself over what I could have or should have done. Why didn’t I pick him up? Why didn’t I bring my phone? Why why why? That’s so unproductive and harmful to our mindset. Making a plan of action and focusing on the steps you can take to move forward is complete in your control and it’s productive.

5. Find something to be grateful for. This one was a no-brainer for me. I’m beyond grateful that my dog Oliver survived and that his physical wounds are healing. Even during catastrophic events, it’s important to focus on the positives. Taking a few moments to reflect on the things you’re grateful for can help to restore perspective and motivate you to keep going. Your gratitude doesn’t have to be related to your setback. Gratitude in general, creates mindfulness.

Learning how to handle set backs is an essential part of self-care that I wasn’t prepared for. I help other women everyday and I wasn’t prepared? I spent a few days really disappointed with myself for feeling the physical and emotional symptoms of flight or flight. Now I know that by taking the time to process your emotions and focus on what you can control, you can manage set backs in a healthy and productive way. And most importantly, we need to be proactive and have a “what if” personal plan ready for the unexpected events life throws our way.

As I write this my puppy Oliver is laying next to me, shaved and covered in bites but he’s alive. I’m grateful for the lesson as I surely needed to know preparing for setbacks necessary to not be blindsided. It’s so empowering to know that behind every experience there’s an opportunity to learn.

Are you facing a setback? We have a private open forum of women supporting women. If you’d like an invite, please comment below.

I’m glad you’re here,

Jill Schmidt