Grieving over the Holidays? You need this!
For some of us, it’s not the most wonderful time of the year. Experiencing grief during the Christmas season can be an emotional battle, one that can leave us feeling anxious, sad and maybe even resentful of others. While your family and friends may think you need to just move on happy it’s important to put yourself in the driver’s seat of your healing timeline.
Knowing myself well and not wanting to resort to old emotional eating habits I devised a research based proactive plan for dealing with my loss this Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, there is still something appealing about the thought of shoving one sugar cookie after another into my mouth bringing on self-induced misery. But I am not going there.
The list below is my Christmas Break Survival Plan. This will be my first Christmas after ending a long-term relationship and the first Christmas my son (11) and I will be home alone.
FEEL AND HEAL
Grief after loss is a bitch and she’s not choosy about when to show up. For me she tends to prefer the middle of the grocery store making me look like I’m ridiculously sad because the cereal I wanted is sold out. Or my all-time favorite, the random waterfall of tears while driving paired with awkward eye contact with a stranger at the stoplight. Good times (not).
Knowing this I’m prepared for those moments and ready to take them on. Using the words “feel and heal” when they come as a reminder to myself that it’s part of the process. Giving yourself permission to feel and grieve is vital in the healing process.
SET BOUNDARIES WITH OTHERS
Communicate openly with your family and friends. Let them know you’re grieving and how the loss is making you feel. It’s also okay to choose to politely decline or limit the number holiday gatherings you attend. If you’re not up for a Christmas or New Year’s Eve party, you are not obligated to attend to please others. Just be careful not to isolate yourself from everyone.
SET BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF
Maintaining healthy self-care boundaries for yourself is important. If you tend to get emotional when you drink, avoid alcohol. Chugging down eggnog and losing your sh*t in front of everyone isn’t going to do anything other than cause a scene. That plate of sugar cookies? Leave it. Come up with a few “besides this I will choose to do _____” ideas and be mindful of them.
SPEND TIME DOING SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE
This year over Christmas break I’ve planned a trip to the movies, the trampoline park and our favorite… spending hours in Barnes and Noble. Seeing my son happy makes me happy and I LOVE going to the bookstore, so it’s a win win! Choose someone you enjoy spending time with and see what you can do to bring them some holiday cheer. Giving is a natural cheer booster!
I know grieving loss and missing someone sucks. Being mindful, setting boundaries, and doing something for others can help your holiday season be a little less sad.
Will you be trying these proactive steps? Or do you have a unique situation you need help with? Please comment below, I would love to hear from you.
I’m glad you’re here,
Jill Schmidt