8 Effective Steps To Get Out Of Survival Mode
Hey there, my resilient friend! Today, let's embark on a journey together – a journey towards healing, self-discovery, and reclaiming the life you deserve after surviving domestic violence or any traumatic experience. I understand firsthand the challenges you might be facing, and I'm here to offer compassionate guidance as we explore how to break free from the clutches of survival mode.
Surviving, but Not Thriving:
Survival mode, a coping mechanism ingrained during traumatic experiences, can linger long after the threat has passed. It manifests in various ways, such as hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and a constant feeling of impending danger.
Recognizing and adopting healthy habits to help alleviate these symptoms is the first step towards reclaiming your life. I’ve created a list of common symptoms along with a positive habit for you to try below. I hope you find some comfort and encouragement from this article.
1. Hypervigilance: Survivors often find themselves on edge, hyper-aware of their surroundings due to past threats. To this day I cannot sit with my back to other people without going into a state of extreme anxiety. My family and friends are aware of this and accommodate when we go out to eat or attend a movie but it’s not always avoidable.
To alleviate feeling anxious and hyper-aware, try grounding techniques. Focus on your senses – touch, sight, sound, smell. Carry a small object with a comforting texture (I use stress strips on the back of my phone), practice deep breathing, or engage in mindfulness exercises.
2. Emotional Numbness: The aftermath of trauma can leave you feeling emotionally detached from yourself. Reconnecting with and learning to positively manage your emotions is crucial. In cases of abusive relationships it is critical for you to heal your past. You need to discover what allowed you to lack the self love and boundaries necessary to not accept being abused.
I cannot express enough how important this step is to avoid repeating the same pattern in future relationships.
Journaling, self development books, art therapy, or speaking with a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and gradually rebuild your connection with yourself. The self awareness and healing process can be extremely emotional and you may need to seek help from a professional. Please don’t be embarrassed to need support, a therapist can offer you help and additional resources.
3. Impending Danger Perception: Feeling like danger is always around the corner can be exhausting. You may find yourself feeling like everyone has an ulterior motive or something bad is going to happen if you let your guard down. Being in a constant anxious state doesn’t just affect your mind it can also lead to excessive weight gain.
Establishing a safety plan that includes people you trust, safe spaces, and self-soothing strategies can help. This proactive approach can gradually ease the fear and empower you to regain control over your life.
4. Difficulty Trusting Others: Building trust after betrayal can be challenging. Surround yourself with a supportive network, whether it's friends, family, or a support group. Take small steps, setting boundaries and gradually allowing others into your life. Trust is a journey, not a destination.
I want to add a special note here for you. When you leave an unhealthy relationship and start the process of bettering yourself you will likely lose some “friends” along the way. I was not prepared for this and want you to know that it’s part of the process and it’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be in every chapter of our lives and we’re not meant to be in every chapter of theirs. People often get uncomfortable when others are improving their lives and becoming a better version of themselves.
5. Isolation: Survivors often withdraw from social activities, friends and even family. You can combat isolation by gradually re-engaging with the world. You will need to access your comfort zone with different activities to slowly reintroduce yourself into. You may find a support group beneficial, others are more comfortable finding a close friend or family to socialize with or a new hobby.
Connection is a powerful antidote to isolation and necessary during the healing process. I personally took 6 months to build myself up before getting back into the “real world”. Everyone is different. The most important thing to remember is to not allow yourself to fall into isolated depression.
6. Flashbacks and Nightmares: Reliving traumatic experiences through flashbacks and nightmares is distressing. Grounding techniques, coupled with supportive friends and professional support, can assist in managing these intrusive memories.
I read several books on mindfulness and EMDR therapy and still use Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy as a weekly reference. My book has highlights and notes galore and I play the audio version in the car. EDMR can greatly reduce the intensity of flashbacks.
7. Persistent Fatigue: Experiencing persistent fatigue, even after a full night's sleep, is a common aftermath of trauma. Your body and mind have undergone immense stress, and this exhaustion is a manifestation of that strain.
Prioritize self-care, ensuring you get adequate rest and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your routine, such as gentle yoga, meditation, and journaling before bed to promote better sleep quality and overall well-being.
8. Disordered Eating Patterns: Survivors of domestic violence or traumatic experiences may find themselves caught in disordered eating patterns, swinging between overeating and undereating as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for restoring a healthy relationship with food and your body.
Overeating: Emotional eating, often a response to stress, can provide temporary comfort. To address this, practice mindful eating. Pay attention to hunger and fullness cues, and find alternative outlets for emotional release, such as journaling, art, or talking to a trusted friend. I made a conscious effort to only eat when I was hungry and never when I was sad.
Undereating: On the flip side, trauma can lead to a loss of appetite. Establishing a regular eating routine and choosing nutrient-rich foods can help support your physical and emotional well-being. Consider seeking guidance from a nutritionist or therapist who specializes in trauma and disordered eating.
Remember, your body is your ally in this healing journey. Nourish it with love and care, allowing food to be a source of sustenance rather than a means of control or escape. If needed, professional support can provide valuable insights into cultivating a balanced and healthy relationship with food.
Please know you are not alone in your healing journey, and there is strength in every step you take towards reclaiming your life. I know it can be emotionally and mentally exhausting and that sometimes going back will cross your mind.
Remember, it's okay to seek professional help, and reaching out to support networks is a sign of courage, not weakness. Going back is not an option, you need to keep moving forward so the amazing, love filled life that;s waiting for you can be yours.
If you found this article helpful, please take a moment to leave a comment below and share with a friend.
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I’m glad you’re here,
Jill Schmidt
Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Therapy for You: Affordable online therapy options.